its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
