you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
