I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
