Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Randomize
