Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
