I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
