Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
