Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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