Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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