I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
