there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
