Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
