New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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