Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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