I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
