Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
