I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
