So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
