she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Edward fifth and chaser hands
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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