I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
