and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize