When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So much Jack, so little girl.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
