saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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