My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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