i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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