Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's rum buckets o'clock
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
