ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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