We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
