He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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