Who wears a wallet chain?!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize