You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
