he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
