I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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