Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
