"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
