writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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