Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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