just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
