I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize