You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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