you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
