Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We need to get me chipped asap
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
