I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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