I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
