fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
