You really coming over, don't trick.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize