is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
