There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
