I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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