Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she looked like the before picture.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
