i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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