We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
