the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
