I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
