That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
