you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
