Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
