How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
