you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
