I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
