my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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