he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
