Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
