i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Randomize
