i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
