And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
wow bdsm is so cute
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
