i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
