1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
