Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
