I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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