Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
