Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
